Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
