I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
