you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
