She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
