My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
