My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
