Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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