So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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