Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
