my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize