You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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