We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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