My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
