At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
