Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
