How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Im part way to drunk.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
