I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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