Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
