do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
