Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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