East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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