..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
