just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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