And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
