She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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