This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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