alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
