You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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