White coat. Heels.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
