I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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