are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
