I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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