STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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