so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He kissed a someone with a penis
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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