wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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