WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
