...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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