I am spending my child support on dildos
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
