She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
