I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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