I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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