Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
