I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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