I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
