can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
