Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
