Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
