i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Floor bacon is actually really good
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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