walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I need moral support for this bender
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
