Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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