Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize