He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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