did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
