the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
