Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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