That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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