I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
