Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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