you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
