she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
