I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
