What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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