We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
