Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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