you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
