"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
