How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
