ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
