so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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