At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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