boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
sex in a hospital.. check
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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