who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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