I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
