he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
